I love you. Too much. Our friendship has been a cycle of me waiting on you to get through whatever phase you were in. You had this problem or that, this guy or that, all while I waited patiently for you to return to our friendship. You’d meet a guy, I would disappear, and when you got comfortable- yay!- I fit into your life again.
I don’t know why I thought it would be different as adults. That we’d settle down, marry great guys, teach our kids to be friends, and become old-best friends. And it started that way: beautiful weddings, beautiful babies, so much in common. The most important moments of our lives are forever intertwined.
Our lives are so different now, though. I live for others while you live for yourself. It hurts to be reminded, every time I contact you, how much more important to you other people and things are. It is devastating to me that after I shared with you my life’s beautiful moments, you expect me to wait every time while you find yourself. Again.
I am not the perfect friend. I am selfish and impatient and stubborn. But I love fiercely and offer a loyalty that few others even understand. And I know I deserve friends who know what they’ve got in me.
I cannot put myself out there over and over. I ignore far better friends while I wait, clinging to the friendship I wanted with you.
And I just want to tell you that I’m done. I won’t miss who you are right now; however, you’ll miss me someday. Your doormat friend will be with someone who appreciates her.